Are You Lonely for Love; Are You Lonely Even in a Crowded Room?
Updated: May 13, 2019
Did you know Loneliness can make you sick? Did you know that you can be alone and not lonely at the same time?
At the gym just the other day I was looking around at all the people working out. None of them were interacting, their headphones on, they were functioning within their own bubbles. I felt curious about this. As I also worked out I listened to a song about love lost and the sorrow that follows. While it was a beautiful song, it was one of millions just like it, centered around the joy of love and then the pain of losing it.
At that moment I had an AH-HA. I suddenly understood the cause of loneliness. I understood the yearning for love and the need for human connection. I understood why there is an epidemic of loneliness leading to lives filled with suffering. The very next day I opened up The Week Magazine and was faced with an article “An Epidemic of Loneliness”, which poignantly discusses the physical and social impacts of loneliness. What it does not touch on is the Spiritual.
We shut down our vulnerability because of what others have told us and how our experiences have informed us
It is not that we yearn for human connection, it is that we yearn for Spiritual connection. All humans are vibrations of energy and all of us experience this throughout our days. We interact with someone who is negative, we leave with a lingering feeling of negativity. We interact with someone who is shining positivity, we leave with an uplifted feeling of positivity. It is not their personality that affected us and stayed with us, it is their energy.
However, throughout our lives we begin to close energy off. We shut down our vulnerability because of what others have told us and how our experiences have informed us. We become secluded in our own little bubbles and try to keep other’s energy out and ours in. The result is feeling lonely even in a crowded room.
It’s important to mention the impact of beliefs, which determine the energies (negative or positive) we unconsciously choose to allow in. This will be the topic of a future post because it is too much to cover in one article.
Humans yearn for connection. We are Spiritual beings and crave to connect. If we don’t, we become lonely and fail to thrive. We can become physically sick and can even die before our time.
What if we do find connection and then lose it and feel miserable? Isn’t that loneliness?
Here is where things get a bit confusing and murky. I had mentioned earlier the sad love songs that center around love had and then lost. Okay, then what if we do find connection and then lose it and feel miserable? Isn’t that loneliness? What if we became vulnerable and then we are emotionally hurt? Are we supposed to keep doing that, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable only to feel subsequent pain? Isn’t that suffering?
The issue here is misidentification of what was causing us to experience the bliss of love. Huh? Just wait. Let me explain. When we “fall in love” we allow ourselves to become vulnerable to Spiritual energy, we accept in vibration, we let go of our bubble. What we are essentially doing is becoming connected to God, Spirit, Source, Universe, whatever you want to call it, through another. But we assume that the reason we feel bliss is BECAUSE of the person who is the focus of our love. BUT IT’S NOT. The whole reason we feel the bliss of love is because we became vulnerable by letting go of our bubble and allowing our Spiritual energy to connect. Through this we experience elation, joy, the high of LOVE.
Whether we are with them or not, we can still experience love and never need endure loneliness.
Yet, this is where the problems start. Okay, so if we believe that a person is the source of our love experience, what happens when they are gone? Well, we suffer. We become lonely. Then we write a sad love song and become millionaires (wouldn’t that be nice!). But what if another person is not the original source of the experience? What if the person is a conduit, a pathway to connection and bliss? If that’s the case, then whether we are with them or not, we can still experience love and never need endure loneliness.
This does not mean that we will not experience extraordinary sadness if a loved one is no longer with us. Of course we will. I’m not denying that there are particular people we feel more connected to than others. I experience this in my own life. Our personalities click with other personalities. But still, there is something far deeper going on than simply twinship with someone who is attractive or similar to us.
A point to make here is that sadness and loneliness are not one in the same. Have you ever felt terribly sad about something while embracing a loved one? You felt sad, yet you were not experiencing loneliness. If sadness and loneliness were one in the same, every time you feel sad you would also feel lonely. Therefore, it’s possible to feel incredible sadness around loss without unbearable loneliness.
The truth is that we are a society literally dying for connection
The truth is that we are a society literally dying for connection, yet we have encased ourselves in bubbles and shrivel away from vulnerability in fear of pain. What most don’t realize is that we are beings that are simply meant to connect. It is a basic need as simple as food, water and shelter. So if you are a person that feels trapped in a bubble, first of all, you are one of millions and it’s okay. Second, there is a choice to be made, to keep living shielded away from connection and possible pain… yet subsequently living in suffocating loneliness. Or let in connection and inevitably experience sorrow along with the powerful joy of love and interconnectedness.
Are you lonely? Have you thought about why? Are you waiting for a partner or friend to relieve your loneliness? Do you feel isolated? Do you feel as if no one really knows you? Are you finding yourself trying to find connection through partners, yet relationships don’t seem to last?
Think about the content of this article and be open to asking yourself questions like this. Be honest with yourself for honesty is the pathway to freedom. A life free from loneliness is available to you. To all of us.
Sarah is a psychotherapist and life coach. She specializes in anxiety, body image, eating disorders, and trauma. If you're interested in working with Sarah, contact her for a free consultation.